A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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