worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
and you fell through a lawn chair
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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