Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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