Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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