Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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