Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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