I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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