I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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