1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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