worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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