Don't make out with my wife yet
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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