she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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