I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
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You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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