We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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