My cat gives me a boner
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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