It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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