i already hear my dad disowning me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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