I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize