i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I deserve this hangover.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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