Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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Found your dick twin last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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