My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize