pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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