You just made me feel so damn special
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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