I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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