i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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