You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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