"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize