She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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