Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
do nipples grow back?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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