She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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