Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize