my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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