I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
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and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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