nut hugger
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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