there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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