I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize