Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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