so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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