He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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