you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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