i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize