You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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