Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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