I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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