My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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