I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize