Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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