I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize