seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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