im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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