I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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